Summer of 1998

Well, I'll admit this, when Ted and I broke up I had this fear I would end up right where I had been before I met him. Alone. No friends. No companionship, but myself. Some would say I had my interent friends, but that's just not the same as physical friends. No offense meant toward my Net friends. Strange, though...I was always alone, and to some degree I liked it. However, humans are a social creature and need social interaction. I don't care who thinks otherwise. Stop for a minute and think about. Even those who really prefer to be alone all their lives, they have at least one moment in time, even if it's for a few seconds, that they long for some sort of social interaction. I'm a bit of a loner, but I still need people.

I'm very happy Wayne introduced me to Travis. I started having fun. However, that sort of dwindled. That's a story in itself, which I do not like to go into. Then, there happened to be Mace and Brent. Today is July 1, 1998. I have been in Bozeman, Montana attending summer classes at Montana State for almost 7 weeks. I'm isolated here. I know no one. I don't go out. I am not at all social. I did go home this past weekend. Why? Because, my friends are there: Wayne, Brent, and Mace. I'd say Travis as well, but I rarely see him when I'm visiting home.

I get along with each of them just fine. To think about it, I rarely talk to those I knew from high school. Wayne is about the only one from high school I still talk to and have contact with. That's six years. I've only known Mace since March, and I've known Brent since New Year's Eve.

Then, another fear hit me. Ted wrote me asking for Wayne's number and telling me he planned on hanging out with Wayne again. Both he and Wayne asked me permission. Why? I'm not real sure. Anyway, but a fear did hit me...The guys were going to like Ted better than me, even though they knew what had happened. Why did I fear this? Because...Ted's always been able to make friends. I've never been able to. Well, it turns out I didn't have to worry. Wayne and Brent said not to worry, and from what Mace told me...I just don't need to fear anymore.

Wayne, Brent, and Mace are my friends...and my friends alone...just like Josh and Kasey are Ted's friends. That feels good. Feels real good.

Each one of them- Wayne, Brent, and Mace- means something special to me. You know, I couldn't even tell what it is with Brent and Mace. They're just wicked fun to be with. Fun to joke around with and flirt with. Wayne...well, that's self explanatory in how long we've been friends, and him being my best friend. All three of them know way too much about me, but that's just fine...That's just fine...

I've been meaning to update this ever since I got back to school that last week in August. I look back on what I wrote up there, and I think that perhaps I was a bit to unfair on somethings. Expecially on Travis.

True, I rarely see him when I visit Great Falls on the weekends. That is because he works until about midnight on the nights I'm home, and he usually just goes home. Anyway, for the two weeks I was on vacation ( two weeks between the end of summer classes and my moving back to school for the fall), I saw Wayne, Travis, Mace, and Brent. I saw Travis more than I can really remember seeing him while visiting home at any one time. I saw quite a bit of Wayne, which I should since he is my best friend. I saw Brent I think once or twice. As for Mace, I saw him about the same amount I see him whenever I'm visiting. In all cases, it was just good to see them all even for a little while.

I went through some crap while at home, and each one of them helped me out on it. Travis and Wayne especially. Listening to me cry and bitch about things. At times, I had the right to do those things.

I mentioned something above about the fun dwindling or something. Mmmmmmmm...that was a bit unfair, and totally irrevelent to the discussion of friends, I think. Of course, my brain isn't all right in the senses lately so....

Anyway, as I've said again and again...those four guys...I consider great friends.

November 8, 1998...a Sunday...

I've only talked about Wayne, Brent, Mace, and Travis as my real life friends. I've also mentioned Ted. Well, as the months have passed, I've found out I do have friends out there. I thought maybe I'd list them for you...

Now, mind you, I know a lot of people. There's a difference between knowing a lot of people and people knowing you...as well as knowing a lot of people and them being your friends. I can name a lot of pepole who live in North Hedges, but they couldn't tell you who I was. It doesn't matter...

Anyway, here are those I consider friends: Holly, Ann, Brian, Gabbye, Josh L., Annie, Lori, Melanie, Josh V.

I just realized something: There seems to be more females than males on that list. Weird...