Well...what happened?
Rob came up from Arizona to finally meet me. We met, and it was...well...alright, I'm going to get sappy...It was heaven. Pure joy...minus the car accident of course.
Anyway, I took Rob home with me to Great Falls, my hometown. He stayed with the family. Of course, they didn't know I had met Rob on the internet. That was something that couldn't happen. A problematic situation should it leak. So...my parents thought he was a student at MSU. They knew he was from Arizona, so we didn't totally lie to them.
Rob got to meet Wayne and Travis the first night, as well as Mace and Brent. I had met Brent over Winter Break, and I had seen Mace once before, but that night was the first where I actually got to know him. Admittingly, I was a bit nervous with Rob and Travis meeting, considering situations that had happened in the past. Anyway, Rob survived the guys. In fact, Rob said something along the lines of, "Add a few sodomy jokes, and you got the crowd I run with. " Lord, help us all.
I just realized that all that was pointless...at least as to what I wanted to type here, but that's okay.
What did I want to write here? Well, with Rob being here, and with me hanging out with Wayne, Brent, and Mace for some time...things were brought to my attention.
Okay, I can't remember if I've said this. I was never one to receive compliments from anyone. Family not included. Like I said before, I was the nerd. I'm the..."ugly" daughter in the family. Anyway, I think it was this summer when a friend of mine tried to get me to accept compliments.
The compliments I received were mostly for my academics and my musical ability. Now, that's great, but being a teenage girl who was never really popular to begin with, and who was in a shakey relationship, compliments other than those...were...needed so to speak. Never got them. Maybe I did, and didn't realize it. Oh, well. When, I started role-playing on-line, I got compliments in my ability to role-play and write. Great. However...that was on-line. A different world. Not my physical world.
Nick knew I didn't take compliments well, and he used to tease me by laying the compliments on thick, knowing I'd blush. Yes, I'd blush because I never received any...and I couldn't believe him. As time passed on, other friends on-line started giving me more compliments. Then, when my picture was finally scanned, and I showed it to some of my friends, I was shocked to get compliments like: "Wow, you're really pretty."; "You're beautiful." Why? Because, aside from my parents and Ted, no one ver said that to me.
I guess I should have taken a hint that others, especially guys, would find me attractive when during my senior year in high school, I found out that there were some guys who liked or had liked me. I think I didn't want to believe it...That was also most likely the case with all the others.
As Rob and I got closer he too started to compliment me more and more. Then, when we met...he couldn't stop. Everytime he gave me a compliment, I'd blush, look away, and answer with something like, "Whatever" or "Yeah right" Oh, I wanted to believe it.
Am I sounding utterly stupid and stuck on myself? I don't mea to.
Well, anyway...
While home, Rob and I got to hang out with Wayne, Mace, and Brent. One night, wayne, ROb, and I went to play pool. Eventually, Mace and Brent showed up. I was getting my ass kicked by Rob and Wayne, so I decided to go talk to Mace and Brent at the bar.
We had an interesting conversation. Of course, it being my nature, I flirted with them, and they flirted back. At one point, Brent through me off by saying something like, "I'm surprised you don't get hit on more often." Something like that. It was late.
I blinked, and said that I never got hit on. Wasn't ever pretty enough. Mace answered with, "With your pretty looks? Whatever."
We went quiet for a bit. Then, Brent said, "Travis hit on you."
I nodded, "I forgot about Travis."
Mace said, "I was hitting on you Friday. I didn't know you were with Rob though."
I was surprised. I couldn't help it.
I think because I'm so damned flirtacious, I can't tell if a guy is hitting on me. Not that it matters now, but still.
Rob told me that when he left Montana, I was going to be able to look him in the eye and tell him I was beautiful. I was able to. What's the point of all this? Maybe I am worth something. Worth more than just my brains. Yet, at times...I still doubt it.
Saturday, Arpil 18, 1998
Well...I don't know how many of you have read the other pages, but from the first few going from the main page, y'all know I care deeply and love Rob. Furthermore, at one point, you knew we were together in some way. Well, things have happened since Spring Break (misunderstandings, some things revealed), and well, it's awkward to say the least. It's amazing how commnication is so important in ANY relationship...Spring Break was worth what was given...even the pain. I do still care deeply for Rob, and do love him on some level...but it is different between us now...we are stll friends...like I said, awkward to say the least...